So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
