So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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