PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
