you told grandpa to call you daddy
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
