grandma shit on top of the toilet
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
