My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
This is my life. Enjoy the view
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My butt remains clenched, sir.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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