Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
