If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
