I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
