Come see our sink grown plant.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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