17 year olds will be the death of me.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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