Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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