false alarm. still invincible.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
