She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
