i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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