I'm gonna have a badass scar
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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