she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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