Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
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