sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
