I molested 6 butterflies tonight
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
