the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
