I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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