so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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