Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
