dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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