i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
