Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
