Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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