Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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