we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
