I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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