his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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