Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
