Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
