Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Randomize
