New low: just hacked my moms facebook
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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