conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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