I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
