So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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