There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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