Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
