found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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