i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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