Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We need to get me chipped asap
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
