Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
