rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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