So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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