Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
