I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
