Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
