You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
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