he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
